Date: 2008-08-01 00:08 Subject: not exactly pleased...but i'll get over it :-) Security: Public

It's no secret, I don't think, that I struggle to balance my wide-ranging life with friends and beloveds around the globe with the inconveniences of night shift.

This afternoon I wanted to sleep, but it was hot, someone in the neighborhood had music up to high (do people not realize that the bass will carry blocks and blocks if it's up loud enough? *sigh*) and the house-mates were (i'm pretty sure inadvertently) noisy before going out for the evening.

Then I got to work at the girl's house only to find the other night nurse saying she was scheduled- it's too hard to argue with her, and with no sleep all day it seemed more prudent to swallow my resentment and pride, and come home, spend some time unwinding, and then sleep after the upstairs has cooled off. So, goodbye extra shift's worth of pay (though it's not overtime, so *eh*), but hello chance to see a few people maybe, and get some sleep later. I'll talk to the agency in the morning and go over the schedule again to be sure that what's on the books is what's actually happening.

So now I'm home, waiting to see who in Europe is up at this hour, and hoping I can spend a little time with them before I crash. I want so much to be there for the people I love, and at the same time I am here in this body in this time-zone on this schedule, and there's only so much I can do before I just have to be here, and not there.

It's tricky, and sometimes it doesn't work. Between uni and work I've had a real struggle to keep up with people- some I used to talk to three or four times a week by phone, now we're lucky if it's email once or twice a week, or a hit-or-miss chance meeting in YIM or AIM. on the other hand, I've been fortunate that no-one's let me drift away- case in point, yesterday I was the lucky recipient of a beautiful blue Moomin Maiden t-shirt from rinnuninnu. I spent some time working out ways I might be able to get my pferde over here to see me graduate, and started working on Europe 2009.

I just have to keep remembering that it's not any one day, or shift, or missed IM that makes or breaks a friendship, a relationship. It's the underlying truth of the whole thing- the fact of caring for each other- that makes it. So I'll keep working with my wide-ranging relationships and my weird schedule and my body's needs, and in December uni will be done (finally!) and in May I'll graduate, and by this time next summer, with any luck at all, I'll have been to Europe again, and had my pferde to California.

There, see? a little thought, some patience, a bit of appreciation- and now, when it cools off and I'm ready to sleep, I'm in a good mood and will enjoy every minute of it.

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Date: 2008-08-01 04:24 Subject: gakked from jackandahat Security: Public

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