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ok. 8 weeks- no, 7 weeks, i think, of uni left. *whew*
class let out early today, so had the hip x-rays done. should find out within a week what's next, and if they show what's hurting. added fish oil and chondroitin/glucosamine/msm (which i now recall helping me with my knees some long years ago) (and thanks to ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) stormatdusk who reminded me of them), so we'll see.
in the meantime, the same-old same-old- work, uni, trying to get enough sleep. which i'm gonna go try and do right now. xoxo until later.
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MIA a bit because of reading for uni, and fighting off a sinus infection with sleep, hydration, nutrition, and Zicam. damn viruses.
however. by my count, 8 weeks of uni left, and the two papers for Critical Thinking (which, it seems, will just need to wait until i have two well-rested, not-arrogant brain cells to rub together), and, all other things being equal, i'll be able to graduate.
and then it's just all about getting healthy, as best i can. even better nutrition. appropriate exercise, as much as i can fit in around work and sleep. saving money, to cut down worry over travel and getting older. writing! oh, writing, and beading, and gardening! and sewing! and reading for fun!
so i DO have a plan. but for today, it's probably to finish work, go home, rinse my sinuses, have a nice hot bath, rinse my sinuses again, take my meds, and curl up in bed with the laptop and my uni reading until i crash.
and if I wake up in time and feel rested enough, catch the late (8:20 pm) show of Appaloosa before work at the lad's house tonight.
and that's the news from here. how are all y'all?
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nearly caught up on sleep, and guess what? i can read my textbooks, they make sense, and i can take notes. amazing.
heading home in half an hour. two nights off; two chapters yet to read in native american studies (and NOT looking forward to getting the midterm back) and two for chicano/latino film studies. cautiously optimistic about that midterm.
catch you on the flip side.
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well.
no, not in the debates- though i hear that Mr. McCain did not comport himself as well as one would expect.
but in myself. did NOT do well with the midterm for Native American studies class. partly because i'm just exhausted- i swear, if i don't get 8-10 hours straight, deep sleep within the next 24, i'm just gonna be a big bawling ball of baby- and partly because i didn't have the same rigorous kind of review that the film review forced on me in my other class.
so i think what i need to do is type up my notes within 24 hours of that class, and cross-ref them with the book Right Then. this poor class gets the short end of my energy and attention, and it's not fair to the class, to the teacher, or to me.
i now return you to your regular lives. i'll be here at work, trying to read coursework.
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have abut 80 pages of Native American Studies reading to finish by next Saturday. Means I must concentrate on this.
Car needs to be smogged (for my EU/UK friends- have its biennial government-mandated check-up and [pray] pass California's emissions standards). This is going to take a bit of finagling of both time (I can't get to work without a car) and money (please, please let it pass without needing major work, or worse).
I really have to not spend too much time with news of politics, the economy, and world events. It's too easy to fall from 'have to get the car taken care of' to 'I'll be homeless living on twigs' if I read from the debates to the bail-out to Zimbabwe. That's false reasoning (or no reasoning, really), doesn't illuminate anything, steals energy I need to do the actual problem-solving required to be a good citizen, and prevents me from having any real understanding of just how dire things are in other places, like Zimbabwe. Not that that couldn't happen here- history proves anything can happen anywhere, as the very good book for Native American Studies is proving (well-researched and well-written, Indians in American History by Hoxie and Iverson). But it's not happening right-this-minute. I do not need to buy up 50 gallons of water and 10 gallons of gasoline (all I have storage for, myself) and curse myself for not drying 100lbs of apples this fall and burying nuts for winter. That's insane.
So, not too much of the 'news' (or as it should be more accurately called, bread and circuses). Concentrate on finishing uni, on staying (getting more) healthy, on saving money for summer.
Back to the book while my girl is still sleeping. She continues to slowly slip; progressive diseases are unforgiving. But her family loves her, and I'm amazed that it's two years I've been working here with them. It's an honor.
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may not have 'net at the lad's house for a bit (that'd affect Weds nights/Thurs mornings, and Sun nights/Mon mornings). no way to know until i get there, but his family's having a spot of bother with the bills, so...
anyway. will do uni reading if no 'net there. always a bright side, eh? text if you need me, i'll have the cell.
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making progress on the paper for Latina/Chicana film studies. thank goodness. of course, a good deal of it will have to be scrapped and rewritten as a film review and not a nursing research paper (maniacal laugh) but at least it's being written!
i could live without this constant low-grade sinus headache. ah. sonoma county, allergy capital of the world. (or so we style ourselves.) *makes note to get more sinus rinse at market*
am i the only person who has, in their fat bottom, the equivalent of at least ten car-tanks of petrol stored? one of the great freedoms of not being in uni will be having time to walk to the market and shop. *nods*
nothing else atm- am at work, plugging away at paper, and mulling over larger issues such as why it's so hard to define what nurses do and have it be reimbursed well. (not me, but in general, in the world.)
as you were. enjoy your saturday.
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I have a new tentative plan.
Since Monday and Thursday seem to be "lost days", in that I can either stay up Monday morning, but then lose sleep and study time, or go to bed Monday as soon as I get home, but lose on-line time and, if I'm woken up before getting at least 6 hours sleep, lose sleep too- and Thursday seems to work out more-or-less the same, except that I'm even more tired Thursday mornings than Monday mornings- anyway, since they seem to be "lost days" I'm thinking to "take them out of the week" for expectation-of-socializing-and-getting-things-done purposes.
Instead, I'll count them as "doing things in bits and pieces" days, with sleep and study interspersed as is possible. Give this a month or so, see how it works.
Hell, the semester's only got 12 more weeks in it.
And then on Tuesday nights, like tonight, or, I guess, Early Wednesday Morning (tm), if I can't sleep, I'll put laptop and cord, portable heater, and school-book/notes in my cloth grocery bag and, in slippers and robe, trundle downstairs to the kitchen table and set up down there where there's space and light and study there instead of trying to do it in bed (not enough space for papers, etc.) or at my poor desk (which is, at the moment, not usable due to the amount of stuff being sorted on and in front of it).
*sigh*. how can 6 units of uni and 40 hours of work be so damn complicated? is it really this messy to live mostly in one rented room and get things done? Or am I even more dramatic than I've been accused of by my family? tune in next week (though I doubt there will be any real answers... lol!!)
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so, i apologize for my whiny post last night.
usually i remember that i chose nursing and everything (patient-related) it entails, and i remember to be grateful for working inside, having internet access at work, and not commuting far, not needing to dress up in dry-clean-only clothes, etc.
so tonight's post is one of thank you for letting me whine, and thank you for not taking me up on it.
/steam blown
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well, that's sad.
i have two things, longer posts, unfinished, that meant to be the 12th, but they're not up where y'all can see them so they don't really count. i meant to be working on them and get them up, but work and uni and sleeplessness and sleep kind of stole the time from me.
moving on, hello, there.
been enjoying all the good interviews and photos to come out of the Toronto Film Festival. Also, found that I can watch Man of La Mancha uninterrupted on FanCast, which is, to me, amazing.
have almost caught up on sleep from the days in San Francisco. not on studying, mind you, although i did get very much more clear in my mind what we know of the interwoven and parallel time-lines of different Native American populations around the continent and how those relate to the time-lines of British, French, Spanish and Russian colonization with which I was somewhat more familiar.
I spent a lot of time here, at the University of California's Traditions of the Sun site. this is one of the things that thrills me about the 'net- that all these bits and pieces of people's experience and knowledge and so forth are not only in one place, but where i can (even if it's only online, even if it's only in a little QuickTime movie) learn from them.
life's complicated, innit? how we're all someway or another interconnected, even if we don't know about it?
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Off to work at the girl's.
Laptop is DEFFO getting a tune-up and make-over on Tues- last night it slipped off the arm of the huge over-sized recliner in the lad's room two times, and now there's a dvd lodged in the slot and no little hole to put a paperclip in through to manually unlock it.
ah well, it needed the apostrophe key fixed anyway.
*sigh*
still 150 pages of reading for class to do. no papers yet for these classes, and made some small progress on Critical Thinking. (which would NOT be so damn hard if i were not so damn just-tired-enough-not-to-be-able-to-trudge-through-the-sludge-easily.)
anyway.
A month ago i wasn't sure I'd be working full-time, and by this time next week i should have my benefits back. life is good. essentially, yes. my life is good. *nods* i still have beloveds, i have plans, i have skills and talents and can use them, and aside from being tired am in pretty good health.
catch you on the flipside.
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| 2008-08-20 07:37 |
| still no quotes key, but an interesting article on admitting mistakes |
| Public |
| ethics, work |
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Heh. not having quote-key working means, no lij-cut text= tags, among other things. no programming own html tags... oh, bother.
anyway, on to an interesting column by Jared Sandberg in the Wall Street Journal about the Employee Who Is Never Wrong:
( Read more... )
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in general, in pediatric medicine, we say that "kids have good hearts."
sometimes there's an inborn problem that's apparent at birth; sometimes there's an inborn problem or an infectious process like rheumatic fever or Kawasaki's that leaves behind damage that doesn't show up until adolescence (my grandson had Kawasaki's- he's got an annual appointment with a pediatric cardiologist until he turns 18.)
but mostly, kids have good hearts. so, as in 'my' girl's case, they're ticking along pretty well right up until the last minute, because the heart just keeps going.
she was awake all day yesterday, occasionally smiling; slept all night [very shallow breathing, but regular] and woke this morning stil smling for her sister.
if this were in a PICU with all the monitors, i would be slowly seeing the numbers of various thing change, but there are no machines to distract us- just a comfortable chair with a footstool and a warm blanket between their two beds, and [for me, when i get there] the slow procession of the earth under the stars toward dawn.
last fall, when her sister was so ill and in hospital. we had a morning routine- we'd listen for the lawnmower men over at the golf-course next door, and read Walt Whitman's poem.
Walt Whitman (1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.
In Cabin’d Ships at Sea
1
IN cabin’d ships, at sea,
The boundless blue on every side expanding,
With whistling winds and music of the waves—the large imperious waves—In such,
Or some lone bark, buoy’d on the dense marine,
Where, joyous, full of faith, spreading white sails, 5
She cleaves the ether, mid the sparkle and the foam of day, or under many a star at night,
By sailors young and old, haply will I, a reminiscence of the land, be read,
In full rapport at last.
2
Here are our thoughts—voyagers’ thoughts,
Here not the land, firm land, alone appears, may then by them be said; 10
The sky o’erarches here—we feel the undulating deck beneath our feet,
We feel the long pulsation—ebb and flow of endless motion;
The tones of unseen mystery—the vague and vast suggestions of the briny world—the liquid-flowing syllables,
The perfume, the faint creaking of the cordage, the melancholy rhythm,
The boundless vista, and the horizon far and dim, are all here, 15
And this is Ocean’s poem.
3
Then falter not, O book! fulfil your destiny!
You, not a reminiscence of the land alone,
You too, as a lone bark, cleaving the ether—purpos’d I know
not whither—yet ever full of faith, 20
Consort to every ship that sails—sail you!
Bear forth to them, folded, my love—(Dear mariners! for you I fold it here, in every leaf;)
Speed on, my Book! spread your white sails, my little bark, athwart the imperious waves!
Chant on—sail on—bear o’er the boundless blue, from me, to every shore,
This song for mariners and all their ships. 25
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Thank you all for the good wishes and good thoughts for 'my' girls and their family, and for me.
I'll update again when there is something to say- I need to respect the family's privacy- will only say that Hospice is involved, and with luck she will be at home when the time comes.
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| 2008-03-22 04:02 |
| Random postage (combine to make full postage) (or not) |
| Public |
| fun, health, life, uni, work |
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1) there is no point to this post except that i need to stay awake the next three hours, and this might generate some comments, which will give me some stimulation.
2) i want very much to be dancing. unlikely at 4am when i'm at work and every one is asleep.
3) maybe I will have the energy to go swimming this morning. i hope so, even if it's only for 20 mins.
4) writing a paper on attribution in fanfiction for my critical thinking class is a good challenge. it forces me to focus on the logic of my arguments, not on the feelings swirling behind them.
4a) writing a paper on attribution in fanfiction brings home to me how vulnerable any act of creativity is, to any fault or foible, especially the artist's. i need to go back through The little AU - i know there are some things that i've not attributed. i'm just not sure where.
4b) writing a paper on attribution in fanfiction is making me cry. *sigh*
5) tomorrow i go to visit my son for two-and-a-half days. this is good. very very good. we'll go to Friends' Meeting (which i hope is a Silent Meeting. I could use 40 mins of silence-in-company). we might go to the Asian Art Museum, too, which is generally made of win. i will, however, like a good junkie, take the laptop with me (mostly to work on my paper at odd moments, like on the bus if i'm not sleeping).
6) there was more, but now it's time to get busy with meds and stuff for 'my' girls.
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| 2008-03-18 17:00 |
| Mac-age, etc., etc. |
| Public |
| Ave Dei patris filia/Thomas Tallis/Peter Phillips & The Tallis Scholars |
| computer, family, sleep, uni, work |
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So, the big mac [of the sagas of last year- yeah, that one] is in the shop for a coupla days to get cleaned up, upgraded [to Leopard- what I've seen of it on the babyMac I like] and have an external hard drive formatted for it/them [final-fucking-ly. Lord, it's nice not to be pay-check to pay-check and picking up pennies in the parking lot just to mail my time-sheets in so I can get paid].
Uni hops along: midterm in PoliSci Thurs. [keep wanting to type 'thrus', and what's that about, hmm?] and paper diagramming an extended argument of 200+ words due in Critical Thinking on the Tues. after spring break.
Spring Break! Not from work, but enough that I can go to San Francisco and visit my son for a few days- go to Meeting with him [he's a member of Quaker Meeting, though he wasn't brought up in it] and maybe meeting, too- I'm not a big one for going to AA every week, but he is, and it does help each of us remember why we choose to be sober, so maybe [if I'm not just too freakin' tired] I'll go with him to his.
And maybe to the Asian Art Museum, or someplace fun- I've got 'til noonish Tues. before I need to hop the bus home and get ready for work [nap, visit, etc.].
And that's more or less the news from here. What a difference a year makes.
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Nearly a week in the new place.
So far, so good.
Sleep's been hard to come by but not because of the place, at least not that I can sort out from the soreness from moving/cleaning/putting away, work, and general stuff on my mind.
Have most stuff put away in room. Feels good!
Tomorrow, Sunday, is a picnic/60th birthday party for a very good friend. We're not always close, but we've always trusted each other. She's the only other nurse I've known since before she became a nurse- we were students in a Fourth Way group together, for a while, back in the 70's, then our kids went to school together, and then finally we became nurses [she 3 years after me].
My deepest connection with her, though, is that I lived in her house to take care of her with her last pregnancy, because if someone wasn't there she could easily have over-done, gone into premature labor again [had once after a car accident, at 5.5 months- that's when I and my son, her husband's foreman and HIS son, and her oldest son's best friend all moved in- to add some density and meat to the household, to keep things going so they could just all concentrate on being family] and lost both baby and herself [she suffers from EXTREME hyperemesis gravidarum- was on IV's all through the last three months of the pregnancy]. It worked- my god-daughter's in collge now!
So the picnic/party's from 3-6 tomorrow after noon. I'm excited to go see her, even if it's gonna cut into sleep- we've each worked every shift there is, so she'll understand if I get a ride, come late, leave early, all that.
In other news, been reading my fellow authors over at potc_fest and continue to be impressed. From the light and humorous to the deep and searching there's been some good work posted there.
Ok, all. off I go to work. I hope for a real nap tonight, but if not, it's all good. I'm glad 'my' girl continues to get the good care she deserves, and I'm happy to be there for her sister.
Be well, take care, all.
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| 2007-09-22 13:14 |
| update and fic rec |
| Public |
| good |
| The Writer's Almanac on NPR |
| fic rec, work |
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'My' girl is holding her own without surgery so far. The good wishes and thoughts help. Big gun antibiotics and IV nutrition support, and so far no surgery, no ventilator. Thanks so much for so far and for in advance.
Exit, Stage left for fic prompt 1A "Who do you think you are" in ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif) rpsfanfic. Karl/Orli, Karl/Viggo implied, and just lovely. Last night of In Celebration: surprise visitor.
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